Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I Could Beat Up 25 Five Year Olds


Sunday, March 16, 2008

Weekly Video Roundup

My favorite video of the week:

Looks like one commenter didn't find my editing too funny:

"I watched this clip this morning on MSNBC internet. She did not say cat balls - she also went on to read the cursive word baby. Even if she did say cat balls, at less than 2 the words this video showed her reading were amazing. Why must we always take something and try to make it less or more than it is? Shame on the person who made this clip and cherry picked what they wanted and left the rest out. The baby clearly went on to say throw the ball."
Shame on me. And shame on the rest of my picks for this week's must see videos:
Must See Videos: Illiterate Baby, Brainless Beauties, Squabbling Reporters, and More!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Need Your Knives Sharpened?

During a stroll through Brooklyn's beautiful Fort Greene neighborhood, Katie and I encountered this vintage truck. It cruises the streets, ringing a loud bell along the way, alerting anyone in the area to bring out their knives and scissors. The drivers then sharpen the cutlery in the back of the truck. Perfect for that Patrick Bateman type who doesn't have the time to make the trip to wherever you actually get knives sharpened. And according to a sign on the back, it is Kosher-friendly.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Found in SoHo

Every phone number tab is ripped off. Is there really that much demand for learning to juggle in SoHo?

Sunday, March 09, 2008

This Week

In Random Videos.

Must See Video: Mean Queen, G-String Love, Tyra Sniffs Pits, and More!

I had fun using my primitive editing skills to make The Queen look like an evil dictator. Hope you enjoy. Also, the face that the old lady in that video makes after settling down from the gunshots (not the scared face, but the face she makes when the camera cuts back to her) is probably the funniest real facial expression* I've ever seen on television. It's all in that right eyebrow.
*Funniest fake facial expressions on television goes to Tim and Eric, of course.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Most British Sounding Name

I would like to nominate this bloke from the Queen's Royal Court:

Spam of the Day

Somehow this one landed in my inbox. See if you can guess the nationality of the sender. I vote for Russian.

From GeraldsoonJimenez@foodnetwork.com

Most popular instrumennt enlargement
Your woman loves enormous device but the problem is that you have small one.
Dont worry! You have marvelous chance to solve this trouble.
At present you can increase your ma|e organ size.
You'll be a king of bed sure enough.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

John McCain Is Your Jalopy

My new favorite website is John McCain Is Your Jalopy. It's a hilarious response to Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle. A few favorites from the John McCain version:

-John McCain got lost somewhere in Best Buy
-John McCain is trying to answer his wallet
-John McCain is fixing that with tape
-John McCain is paying for that sandwich with a check
-John McCain tips 9%

and of course

-John McCain prefers Leno

Monday, March 03, 2008

This Kid Is Pretty Much My Hero

I believe this is the definition of "chutzpah."

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Are You In Realty? Yes? Then I Probably Hate You.

Since moving to New York we've come across our fair share of obnoxious realtors. There was the one who placed us in our first apartment, an attractive woman in her mid to late 30's who made us wait for an hour or so in her lobby before meeting with us. She attempted to live vicariously through her 9-year-old son by entering him into the exciting world of child acting. There was the woman who had a mini break down when she found out the building owner locked the door to the apartment we were supposed to see. After trying every key on her keychain, she said, loudly, "He was supposed to leave this unlocked! I don't have the keys for this! What am I supposed to do???" Easy, lady. We don't want to live in Washington Heights anyway. There was the smooth-talking Jewish guy who showed up late to our appointment and kept his car parked illegally across the street while he showed us the apartment. He delivered the sell line that must work on 95% of his clients, "You guys ever been in a big apartment?", right before opening the door to a palatial 800 sq. foot apartment. WOW!!! I'll take three of them!!! Unfortunately, we couldn't find out a lot about this place because he spent 4 of the 5 minutes we were there on his cell phone, arranging his next appointment.

Now we're looking for new digs, and I think I came across the worst apartment listing EVER. It's a 1BR going for $1600 in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. Pretty reasonable price, depending on the section of the neighborhood. But the pictures. Oh god the pictures.
The apartment comes complete with a floor.

Pay the first two months upfront and we'll throw in this door to a black hole.

Did I mention the apartment has a floor? And yellow lighting?

There's even a rape den. Ready to sign?
These were all the pictures in the ad. This realtor had a space on the page for 4 pictures, and she carefully chose these. Are you fucking kidding me, Rapid Realty? The sad thing about this is that the apartment is probably already rented. And it probably rented for more than the asking price. So if you're a douchebag and you have a digital camera and a shaky hand, why don't you come on up to New York and sell apartments? We've been waiting for someone special like you!

And now my weekly video round-up:

The Will Ferrell video is pretty funny and the shadow puppeteer won my entire family over, but this Hillary and Barack mashup is my favorite, mostly because of its fucking awesome soundtrack: