Sunday, February 25, 2007

Slomming

Hello again. Sorry for the lack of posts recently. I can explain. I've been kind of preoccupied lately. You see, I've taken up slomming.

In case you aren't familiar with the practice, slomming stands for Sticking Leeches On Myself. It's the latest craze in drug use, sponsored by the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign (they'll try anything to get kids off pot). I'd never heard of this new sensation before I saw the ads for it. They're everywhere- infiltrating airtime during teen programs like Reba, popping up at the top of MySpace pages, I even came across a slomming ad at the dentist's office when I was parusing the latest edition of Highlights Magazine. According to its official website, abovetheinfluence.com, slomming has a few alternate definitions. The noun "slomming" is defined as "A series of decisions that sucks the life out of a person." The verb "to slom" means "To engage in an activity without thinking" and also "To make a decision based on wannabeitis." I'm pretty sure that means it gets you majorly fucked up. So basically I had to try it. I took this picture during my first slom sesh (I don't even remember taking it!).

The results were incredible. It's definitely a high like no others. Coke highs are too short. Heroin highs leave me with menstrual irregularity. And don't get me started on PCP. I'm just so thankful that the Office of National Drug Control Policy decided to spend America's hard-earned tax dollars on these expensive advertisements. I feel like I'm living life for the first time! I mean, I would be hard pressed to think of a better use of a Thursday night than slomming my brains out and watching Step by Step reruns on ABC Family (Patrick Duffy and leeches go hand-in-hand).

After I got tired of the usual slomming method, I started freebasing leeches. That was fun for awhile, but it really messed up my nice spoons. I think the healthiest approach is using a vaporizer. I simply set my vaporizer to the special leech temperature, put the leeches on the electrically heated metal plate, let the machine go to work for a few minutes, and then inhale the vapors through a tube. This eliminates tars and other unhealthy additives found in store bought leeches. It makes for a much healthier slomming experience.

If you want to try slomming, I definitely recommend it. I have to warn you, however, that slomming may be a gateway drug. I've started dabbling in ULWEPing (Using Live Wasps as EarPlugs) and IPSIMRing (Inserting Poisonous Scorpions Into My Rectum). These are also fun ways to pass the time until the next 2 hour episode of American Idol. So what are you waiting for? Get slomming!

16 Comments:

At 3/25/07, 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a sick freak that has absolutely no business telling people, especially YOUNG people, about the "high" that you get from having the blood sucked out of your body. The photo alone should turm people away. You look like a strung out piece of shit, oh wait, that's exactly what you are. What you need to do is get some professional help.....and soon, before you someone takes these things that you post on the internet too far and seriously hurts themselves. How would you feel if someone died because of something that they learned from YOUR website? That would weigh on my mind every day. The addict mind is nothing that should be enticed or persuaded in any way, because the disease only wants one thing from you and one thing alone: YOUR LIFE.

 
At 3/25/07, 7:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude,only fucking faggots put shit in their asses. You are a complete douchebag and I hope you get hit by a semi.

 
At 3/29/07, 1:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pretty funny commentary on the weird Ad Campaign. I had never heard of 'slomming' before, but won't try that either. I have heard drugstores are keeping leeches back with the Pharmacists behind the Counter and Petco requires ID to purchase. Too much of a distraction from a great reality anyway. (Why in the Hell did America get rid of Sundance Head?!!) Oh, and I can detect sarcasm and humor, as can most people, including kids, that may read this.
I laughed, wrote this and now I'm moving on...

 
At 4/4/07, 3:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a massive tool with no sense of humor and I get all high and mighty on the Internet about drugs because I'm no fun in real life.

Seriously though, if someone died from overslomming because they saw your site and still didn't get it, that's a good thing. They don't need to pass down their genes.

 
At 4/13/07, 11:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Slomming Rocks!

 
At 4/13/07, 11:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I slommed today for the first time with some friends. It felt weird on my arm but was cool.

 
At 4/20/07, 7:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

screw you ...

 
At 4/25/07, 5:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my god!! those who slom are fucked up! im from Norway, and I have never heard about slomming! Im glad I live here, we dont do these kind of things in Norway. Im just haha!

 
At 4/25/07, 5:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why doing stuff thats nasty! those creatures belong in ponds in africa.... freaks!

 
At 4/29/07, 8:21 PM, Blogger Cheesepower said...

I had never heard of slomming until I saw the commercials that are on ALL THE TIME. I finally decided to google it and came upon your blog. You are a disgusting freak. Just looking at you makes me want to vomit. And I agree that only faggots put shit up their asses. Go fuck your boyfriend and lay off the leaches. You are seriously one fucked up piece of shit.

 
At 5/5/07, 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!! You do know that Slomming is fake right? They just made a commercial about it to grab peoples attention so they could go to their site. They were sued because kids actually started sticking leeches on themselves and getting hurt...don't you see the news? Slomming is basically like drinking non-alchoholic beer(non-alchoholic beer IS REAL unlike slomming though...it tastes like beer yet it isn't illegal...jus telling ya cause since you tried slomming your retarded...) Simply put...it doesn't do anything to you...you don't get high off slomming...you don't go to lala land, the only thing it does is make you bleed and make you look retarded although i think everyone already knew you were because of the fact that you need a haircut...you look like Dustin Diamond for gods sake!

 
At 5/6/07, 8:05 AM, Blogger pals101 said...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING INCOURIGNING PEOPLE TO SLOM AND Do ALL THESE OTHER THINGS? I CAME ON HERE FOR RESUCH ON SLOMMING JUST FOR FUN...
BUT YOU TEACHING US TO SLOM AND SAYING "OH YEAH IT IS LIKE A DRUG AND IT SURE DOES GET YOU HIGH" YOUR AND IDIOT.YOU DONT KNOW WHO COULD BE WATCHING THIS I MEAN IM ONLY 13 AND YOUR TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SLOM? IM SORRY BUDDY. BUT IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK.MY SCHOOL RICHARDSON MIDDLE SCHOOL HAS TO MANY DRUGGIES ALREADY... AND IM NOT GOING TO BE ANOTHER. AND YOUR:
PILLS,WEED,HERIOIN,LEEACHES,ANGLE DUST, CIGGRETTS, BERR, AND ANYTHING ELSE CAN GO AWAY!! I WILL STAY CLEAN. AND YOU CAN TAKE THIS OFF AND GO TO REHAB!!!!!!! GET A REAL LIFE. DRUGS will HURT YOU...
AND YOU WONT HAVE A CHANCE TO TAKE IT BACK. GO TO REHAB.... FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
SINCERLY,
STEPHANIE 8TH GRADE
(I COULDNT OF WROTE THIS WITHOUT THE EDUCATION MRS.ECLEN GAVE TO ME ... THANK YOU! FOR HELPING ME STAY DRUG FREE.)

 
At 6/21/07, 3:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are hella dumb, you are gonna get Typhoid from those damn leeches!!! If you want to Slom, go to Canada...It is most popular there!!!

 
At 7/14/07, 3:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WhatAhFuckinAsshole.
YouSawUrPixxRight!!!
UrSooDumb,
WhoDoesThis.
LeechesAreGROSS.
AndSoAreYOU!

 
At 1/26/08, 2:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uhhhh, are you all stupid? This guys is JOKING. I really feel quite embarrassed for all of you.

 
At 5/30/08, 3:54 PM, Anonymous Tyler Durden said...

Ha ha ha slomming that shit is funny. The real stupidity comes from all the pissed off people posting here telling this guy he's dumb. He's joking, kids! Like another poster said, if you try this and then die because of this 'article on slomming' then it's probably for the best. You're weeding your own dumbasses out ha ha! Cheese n rice, slomming?!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home